


The Which I Cannot Be Without

by Rachel_Lu



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Break Up, Cuddling & Snuggling, Engagement, F/M, Falling In Love, Getting Back Together, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Confessions, Post-Break Up, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-14 23:16:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8032837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachel_Lu/pseuds/Rachel_Lu
Summary: Rose Tyler finds she can't quite sleep or get along without her ex, John, and before she knows it, she's at his door.





	The Which I Cannot Be Without

John and Rose had broken up ages ago, and by ages, Rose meant two months.  But it _felt_ like ages because she couldn't sleep without being in his arms.  She tossed and turned all night and she longed for his touch. 

They hadn't spoken because Rose had wanted to get married and it really hadn't seemed like John wanted to.  There had been screaming and crying and Rose remembered vividly that he reached for her before she slammed her door in his face.  The last sound she heard from John was a strangled sob.  

He lived so close to her, too, it was actually a wonder they hadn't seen each other.  She almost wanted to see him, no, scratch that, she _needed_ to see him. She loved him, always had and that wasn't going to change just because she had ended it. 

She had wanted to marry him.  To live in a house and have babies and be happy.  She didn't know if she could have that with anybody else, nor if she would even want that with anybody else.  No, she didn't think she would. She couldn't get past him, and she had a feeling that she wasn't ever going to be able to. 

He was her one, her person.  And he was gone.  And it was all her fault. 

One night, as Rose tried fruitlessly to sleep, she looked over at her phone.  She could call him, right now, and never look back.  It was several minutes later when she sat up, back against the headboard, and decided that she was going to do one better.

She was going to go to his house. 

She rolled out of bed and pulled on her pink silk dressing gown, shoved her feet in a pair of flip flops, and trudged out to her car. She knew she probably looked like a mess, but marriage or not, she needed him.  He was more important than a marriage. 

But what if he had someone else?  What would she do?  She was rather certain that that would break her into a thousand pieces.  She swallowed around the sudden lump in her throat and hoped that he would be alone.  It was selfish of her, but it had only been two months since their split. Had he already gotten over her and what they had? She wanted to doubt it, but John was also known for bouncing back at top speed. 

She got in her car and ruffled her hair, taking a deep breath to quell her thundering heart, and started it up, driving straight towards his flat on memory alone, knowing exactly where she was going.  Her hands clenched the steering wheel almost madly, her knuckles turning white. This was the most terrifying thing she had ever done.  If he didn't want her, she would be utterly destroyed.

Just to make matters worse, as she drove, the skies opened and it began to rain. Rose blew her hair out of her face and parked in front of the flats he lived in.  She stared up at the door she knew was his, hoping he was beyond it.

What if he had been at a club and had gone home with someone?  She felt like she was going to throw up just with the thought of it.  That wasn't something she ever wanted to think about.  Him with someone else, in someone else's arms.  Exactly where he didn't belong. 

She had to remember that she had done this to herself, she had driven him away. She was about to drive herself away, but before she could change her mind, she got out of her car, and slammed the door possibly a bit too aggressively for two o' clock in the morning. 

She locked the door and stomped up to his door, knocking loudly before she could stop herself.  There was a bit of rustling from inside and a grumbled 'coming' and she felt her heart pick up once more at the sound of his voice.  

He opened the door and he looked more beautiful than ever, his hair tousled, grey dressing gown tied loosely around him, t shirt and plaid pajama pants peeking out from underneath.  She swallowed hard and he stared at her, his mouth slightly agape.  

"Rose," he said, his voice full of something that she was hesitant to call awe but was most certainly awe.  

"Hi," She rubbed the back of her neck and dropped her hand back to her side.  "Are you alone?"

"Yeah," he said quickly, and opened the door wide. "C-come in."

She smiled and slid past him, standing in he middle of his flat, a place that was so familiar to her but yet so different.  He had a new couch, she noticed.  She almost brought that up but decided against it.  

"So, you...  You're here," he said, shutting the door.  "It's... Two in the morning.  And you're here.  And I haven't- and we haven't-"

"I know," She said, crossing her arms over her chest.  "I just..." She bit her lip and looked away, afraid to say anything.  "Do you have a girlfriend?  Right now?"

He blinked, a little shocked at the words.  "Um.  No," he said, "I haven't seen anyone at all."

"Me neither," she replied. 

"Oh." 

She licked her lips, feeling a little uncomfortable.  "I feel a little silly about this, but-"

"You can say... Whatever you want, I'll listen."  He sounded completely earnest and she felt her heart rate pick up again.

"Yeah, well, I just... I haven't slept.  At all, without you.  And I can't help but think that maybe-"

"Yes," he said, "Yeah, come with me."

He jerked his head towards the bedroom and she followed him, wanting to take his hand.  She could tell that he was having the same reactions she was having but being so close to each other.  Rose followed closely, and when they went into the bedroom, she shut the door behind them. 

John turned around at the door shutting and arched a brow.  "So what... What is this about, Rose?"

She felt her eyes brim with tears. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I'm really sorry, John."

He swayed forward and then stepped to her to take her into a hug.  She let out a shuddering sigh at being able to touch him once more, and buried her face in the side of his neck.  Her tears bathed his skin and he lifted her slightly. 

"God, I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you too," she sobbed.  

He continued to hold her, rubbing his hands up and down her back and squeezing her close.  He pressed a kiss to her cheek and pulled away, shocked that he had done that. 

"So, you can stay tonight, if you want."

"Yeah," she said around her tears. 

They went back to their regular sides of the bed, right where they belonged, and Rose cuddled against him, wrapping her arms around his waist and putting her head on his chest. 

"So are we... You and me... Are we now-?" He trailed off.

"What do you want?" She asked, feeling the reassuring pressure of his warmth against her.  

"You," he said softly, "I only ever wanted you."

She lifted up to look down into his face. "I love you," she whispered.  "I don't want to be without you."

She saw his eyes fill up with tears and his hand fisted in her shirt.  "I love you too," he whispered.  She choked on a sob and leaned down to kiss him, his hands sliding up her shirt and hers moving to cup his face.  He rolled them over onto her back and continued to kiss her like a man dying of thirst having a long drink of water.

They kissed for what felt like forever until he pulled back to bury his face in her neck. "My Rose," he whispered with relish.  She slid her hands into his hair and pressed a kiss onto his temple. 

"I love you," she repeated, so happy to be able to say it again.  

"I love you," he sighed into her neck.  He pulled back to look at her.  "I am... So, so happy you came here tonight. I've wanted to come after you every night since you left.  But I knew it had to be your choice."

She stroked her thumbs over his cheekbones. "Yeah," she agreed.  "But you're the only thing I'm missing, and I need you."

Her words felt like they didn't make any sense, and he let out a shuddering sigh, and bent down to kiss her again, mouth open and tongue pushing its way into her mouth. They fell back into a rhythm that they knew well, and had always known.  

They fell asleep some time later, wrapped up in each other. 

She woke up first and woke him with a kiss before telling him she was going to go make tea.  He grumbled his agreement and rolled over, his arm over her waist.  She giggled and tried to maneuver out from under him, but she didn't' try very hard.  She felt safe under his touch again. 

When she finally managed to get up, she threw her dressing gown back on and looked at his new living room, how much things had changed since she'd been gone.  She saw that one of the pillows on the couch was settled awkwardly and moved to fix it when a little velvet box fell to the floor at her feet.  

She froze and bent down to retrieve it.  Upon opening it, she saw a stunning engagement ring. She slipped it onto her finger, and found that it fit her perfectly.  She bit back tears and placed the ring back in the box before heading right back to John's bedroom.

"John?" She called out.

"Hm?" He mumbled form the bed. 

Rose crawled over him on the bed, sitting on his thighs, and shook him.  "Hey, look," she held out the box. 

He opened his eyes and his eyes popped comically out.  "What?!  How did you? Rose?" he blushed and sat up, his hands moving to grab her waist.  He stared at the box and sighed softly.  "I was gonna ask you... Some time.  I knew I wanted to, but I was just scared."

She bit her lip and smiled. "So you did wanna get married?"

He nodded fervently.  "Still do."  He took the box from her.  "But we just found each other again, love. Let's learn each other again."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed.  He laughed and returned her embrace.  

"Okay," Rose agreed softly.  "I will always love you," she promised, "Even if I have to wait forever."

"Oh, Rose," he kissed her cheek.  "You won't have to wait forever, I promise you that."

He glanced over at the box, now settled on his nightstand.  Yes, this was his precious girl, and she was the only one for him.  He grinned against her hair.  He'd ask her tomorrow.


End file.
